Of Richard Durbin and Treason

About a week ago Illinois Senator Dick Durbin uttered his now infamous Pol Pot/Nazi comparison to conditions at GITMO. While these remarks were inflammatory and hopelessly misguided they didn’t, contrary to what some right-wing bloggers and conservative pundit Hal Linsey claim, amount to treason. Those on the right would have Durbin’s head for allegedly giving aid and comfort to our terrorist enemies. So Linsey et al would equate Durbin with the Rosenberg twosome, Alger Hiss, Benedict Arnold, and John Walker Lind. How nice.

From a Constitutional point of view one could make the argument that Durbin had qualified immunity to say whatever the hell he wanted because his comments were part of a Senate floor debate. Under Article 1 Section 6 Congressmen, “Shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.” If Durbin indeed made his statements outside the protective confines of the Senate Chamber then he might face a different set of problems then incurring the ire of the right.

Since Durbin’s liability hinges on whether his comments were truly treasonous let’s look at the definition of treason. In merry old England the concept of treason was amorphous and carried with it dire consequences. Two types of treason were delineated in the United Kingdom; petty treason and high treason. Petty treason was murdering one’s superior. High treason consisted of: 1) When a man doth compass or imagine the death of our lord the king, of our lady his queen, or of their eldest son and heir; 2) If a man do rape the king's companion, or the king's eldest daughter unmarried, or the wife of the king's eldest son and heir; 3) If a man do levy war against our lord the king in his realm; 4) If a man be adherent to the king's enemies in his realm, giving to them aid and comfort in the realm, or elsewhere. Those found guilty were often hanged, drawn, and quartered. Women found guilty of treason were often burned alive at the stake.

Since the British application of the term treason was arbitrary at best and the punishment was a protracted and cruel execution the Founding Fathers of these United States sought to more clearly and succinctly define treason. As defined in Article 3 of the Constitution treason is waging war against the U.S. or giving aid and comfort to the enemy. The case law on what constitutes treason is fairly settled. In the history of the U.S. fewer than forty prosecutions for treason have taken place yielding a handful of convictions. Even Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were only found guilty of espionage and they sold nuclear secrets to the Soviets. None of the couple dozen or so convicted were found guilty for the utterance of mere words. Aaron Burr was not found guilty of treason even though he allegedly conspired with Spain and England shortly after the American Revolution. John Brown took part in murders just before the outbreak of the Civil War. Brown’s abolitionist acts defied the will of slave owners in the south and he paid for his deeds with his life. During WWII twelve people were punished for treason. Tokyo Rose and Axis Sally were both found guilty of treason for their broadcasts of propaganda designed specifically, by their own admittance, to demoralize our troops.

No one here is defending Durbin or his comments. He was foolish and should beg forgiveness for the stupid analogy of comparing GITMO to some of the most murderous regimes this planet has ever seen. He should be admonished for in effect decrying the military as point men in Bush’s delusional escapade. He should be vilified for comparing our valiant soldiers to those that murdered 12,000,000 Europeans in concentration camps, those that executed 1.5 million dissidents in the Killing Fields of Cambodia, and those who aided Stalin in his megalomaniacal purge of 20 million of his own people in the Gulags of Siberia.

That said I find the groundswell of opinion that Durbin is guilty of treason to be equally as troubling. Apparently some conservatives wish to greatly expand the real definition of giving aid and comfort to the enemy. They would have treason and treasonous activity include criticism and derision of the government. They would wipe their collective butts with the Constitution in order to wreak vengeance on those who would besmirch the reputations of the President, his administration, and/or the military. Before the conservatives fundamentally alter the Constitution they should evaluate the true ramifications of their actions.

We would no more hand out speeding tickets at the Indianapolis 500 than we would hold people criminally liable for dissent. What is truly frightening about this are the implications. Under the right’s definition of treason nearly any public statement defaming the current president or the military would be considered treasonous activity and thus one could be held on par with Judas Iscariot, Cassius, Brutus, and Ephialtes, some of history’s most notorious traitors. Durbin is a dipshit but Judas he is not.

Shocker...Who'd have thunk it

This from the Associated Press:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A federal agency collected extensive personal
information about airline passengers although Congress told it not to and it said it wouldn't, according to documents obtained Monday by The Associated Press.

A Transportation Security Administration contractor used three data brokers to collect detailed information about U.S. citizens who flew on commercial airlines in June 2004 in order to test a terrorist screening program called Secure Flight, according to documents that will be published in the Federal Register this week.

The TSA had ordered the airlines to turn over data on those passengers, called passenger name records, in November.

The contractor, EagleForce Associates, then combined the passenger name records with commercial data from three contractors that included first, last and middle names, home address and phone number, birthdate, name suffix, second surname, spouse first name, gender, second address, third address, ZIP code and latitude and longitude of address.

EagleForce then produced CD-ROMS containing the information "and provided those CD-ROMS to TSA for use in watch list match testing," the documents said.

According to previous official notices, TSA had said it would not store
commercial data about airline passengers.

The Privacy Act of 1974 prohibits the government from keeping a secret database...

TSA spokesman Mark Hatfield said the program was being developed
with a commitment to privacy, and that it was routine to change the official definition of a system of records during a test phase.

Ladies & gentlemen, your government dollar at work. Never let it be said that the axiom of "Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile" doesn't ring true. Yet another fine example of restraint accompanied by a sureptitious wink as the man shakes your hand and reaches around behind you to take liberties with your poop shoot.

The frightening thing is that the American public will hardly notice this story.

And the winners are...

Since I already profiled the worst organizations in sports it’s only right I comment on the best. These franchises have set the bar that all other teams must reach. All have solid ownership, hire great people, they win, and they are amongst the most celebrated and imitated organizations in sports. Without further adieu…

1. New England Patriots-All you have to know is the Pats have three Vince Lombardi Trophies in four years. Only one other NFL team, the Dallas Cowboys, has ever won three Super Bowls in four years. Team owner Robert Kraft was widely criticized when he hired Bill Bellichick but no one is laughing now. Bellichick is now regarded as the best coach in football and maybe one of the best ever. But that’s another argument for another day. When Kraft took over the Patriots in 1994 the team was last in the league in attendance and revenue…they’ve sold out 114 straight games since. Within three years Kraft & Co. turned around a floundering franchise and had it playing in the Super Bowl in ’96. Over the last five years the Pats have been the best team in football and one of the most profitable. In 2002 Gillette Stadium opened. What’s unique about this is the stadium is the largest privately financed venue in sports. Kraft has created the most sound business model in the NFL.

2. New York Yankees-Love ‘em or hate ‘em no one can argue that the Yankees are the most recognizable team in American sports. No other franchise can lay claim to the historical significance that is the New York Yankees. The most visible team in America’s largest city the Yankees own more professional championships than anyone in North America. Enigmatic owner George Steinbrenner has built a team that has won with almost frightening consistency. World Series champs in ’96, ’98, ’99, and 2000 the Yankees have 26 crowns. When you figure the team started in 1903 that’s a title every four years. Some of the most famous personalities in sports have played for the Yankees: Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, and Lou Gehrig are but a few. As a long time baseball hater it pains me to say this but Yankee Stadium is a cathedral. No other venue in sports, save Notre Dame Stadium, has the lore and spine tingling aura of the “House that Ruth Built”. If you’re a baseball fan do yourself a favor and attend a game in the hallowed confines of Yankee Stadium and visit Monument Park, buy a Coney Island hot dog, soak in the experience, and bottle it.

3. Las Angeles Lakers-When then owner Jack Kent Cooke sold his sports empire to real estate mogul Jerry Buss the stars aligned foretelling the future of the most successful North American sports franchise of the last 25 years. Since 1980 the Lakers have won eight NBA championships with only two losing seasons and a gaudy .650+ winning percentage. They own the league records for wins by a franchise and are second in championships. Former General Manager Jerry West built one of the most enduring sports dynasties in America. Magic Johnson, James Worthy, Shaq, and Kobe Bryant were all brought in by West and cemented the mythos of the most financially valuable team in basketball. West not only made brilliant player personal moves he also hired arguably the two best NBA coaches ever. Together Pat Riley and Phil Jackson combined to coach the Lakers to seven NBA titles and twelve finals appearances. The blood feud between Kobe and Shaq has tainted the image of the Lakers but not their legacy.

4. San Antonio Spurs-The forgotten team from central Texas has racked up two NBA titles since ’99 and is well on their way to a third. Not bad for a team in one of the smallest markets on the continent. Originally an ABA franchise the Spurs were a consistently average to good team until Gregg Popovich was hired. In his eight years as head coach Popovich has led the Spurs to the playoffs every year but one. Dell Harris had the Spurs on the edge of greatness but Popovich pushed them over…with a little help from Tim Duncan and David Robinson. Since 1990 the Spurs have had one losing season, and that netted them the lottery pick that would be Duncan.

5. Manchester United-Now some will scoff at the notion of Man U on this list but if you look closely you just might learn a thing or two. According to Forbes Magazine Manchester is the most valuable sports franchise on Earth. With an estimated worth of $1.2 billion Manchester is at least $200 million more valuable than the richest team in North America, the Washington Redskins But overall worth does not paint the whole picture. Since ’93 Man U has won eight English Premier League titles. They’ve also won the UEFA Cup twice in their history. Even though the current ownership situation is in flux Manchester remains the most admired professional sports team in the world. Truly a marketing phenomenon this team’s jerseys and merchandise are coveted in nearly every country with an even timid soccer following. Manchester United is a nearly perfect marriage of marketing, team success, and financial health.

6. Denver Broncos-Pat Bowlen was recently named by ESPN as the best owner in sports. You can’t argue with his results. Bowlen purchased the team in ’85 and immediately put his brand on the Broncos. Five AFC Championships and two Super Bowl titles later the Broncos are still one of the most consistently good/great franchises in sports. In ’95 Mike Shanahan was hired as head coach and has been at or near the top in his profession ever since. John Elway went to three Super Bowls under Dan Reeves but never really had a legit chance to win until Shanahan arrived. Elway had his best statistical and most successful years with Shanny including back-to-back Super Bowls in ’97 & ’98. This team has sold out every home game since 1971 and boasts maybe the most passionate fans in all of sports. In Denver football is a religion and the deities are clad in blue and orange.

7. Detroit Red Wings-If you’re a hockey fan it is impossible to argue with the fact that the Wings have been the best team in the NHL for over a decade. Winners of the Stanley Cup in ’97, ’98, and ’02 the Red Wings have been dominant since the early 90’s. Coach Scotty Bowman directed the team to five division titles before his retirement in ‘02. All tolled since ’90 the Wings have won eight division crowns, four President’s Trophies (awarded for best record), and three Stanley Cups. The list of Red Wings alumni is staggering: Gordie Howe, Terry Sawchuk, Marcel Dione, Steve Yzerman, Sergei Federov, Chris Chelios, Domanik Hasek, and Niklas Lidstrom. As a Colorado Avalanche fan I’ve grown to hate the Dead Wings but I will not deny their achievements. What a segue…

8. Colorado Avalanche-The former Quebec Nordiques came to Denver in ’95 and the love affair began immediately. The key to their success has been Pierre Lacroix. The master of the trade deadline acquisition and free agency Lacroix has brought in superstars Patrick Roy, Ray Bourque, Rob Blake, Paul Kariya, and Teemu Salanne to join team stalwarts Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, and Adam Foote. The Avs hold the record for most consecutive division titles in the history of North American sports. Add to that two President’s Trophies and two Stanley Cups and you’ve got one of the most successful sports teams of the last decade. Owner Stan Kroenke bought the Avs, Denver Nuggets, and the Pepsi Center in 2000 and has directed his investments in virtual silence but with a deft touch. Known affectionately as “Silent Stanley”, Kroenke has been one of the most unobtrusive owners in sports, the direct antithesis of Steinbrenner, Jerry Jones, and Al Davis. He’s brought in good people and let them do as they wish. More so than any executive in sports Kroenke knows that he’s not part of the game.

9. Philadelphia Eagles-They’ve played in the NFC Championship four years in a row and just narrowly lost to New England in Super Bowl XXXIX. The Eagles have been a perennial playoff contender for nearly fifteen years and have finished first or second in the NFC East ten times since 1988. They also have some of the most boisterous fans around. Since Jeffrey Lurie bought the team in ’95 the Eagles have been in the playoffs eight times and have over 100 wins. Only the Green Bay Packers have more post season appearances in that time and only four other teams have as many wins.

10. Green Bay Packers-Speaking of the Packers no NFL franchise is as beloved by its fans as the Pack. The only publicly owned team in the four major sports the Packers play in the smallest media market of any other team yet they sell out every game in sun, rain, sleet, hail, snow, ice, etc. Without a doubt the Pack some of the most loyal fans in the world. With nine playoff appearances in ten years, a Super Bowl title, and a stadium that sells out like clockwork the Packers are a model of competitive and financial success. There are season ticket holders in every state and four foreign countries. The estimated wait for season tickets is 30 years. Packers’ fans aren’t going anywhere and if football is a religion in Denver in Wisconsin it’s a birth right.

Honorable mention-Dallas Mavericks, Pittsburgh Steelers, Boston Red Sox, Indianapolis Colts, Detroit Pistons, Miami Heat, Atlanta Falcons

A Public Service

The now infamous Downing Street Memo is getting little to no attention from the media or the American people. This baffles me that they would seemingly give Bush a pass on this. It is vital the details of this memo are ironed out and/or thoroughly investigated. If the memo is a fraud then I'll recant my derision of Jr. and his cronies. If the memo is true this administration is guilty of fraud and corruption that would make Clinton blush.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-1593607_2,00.html

NBA All-Time Draft

We are freaks, sports freaks. Whenever myself & BJ get together the conversation surrounds sports, sports figures, sports controversies, and all things sports. All who have the misfortune of eavesdropping on our little sojourns down sports lane marvel at our fanaticism. We did what we always do, convene yet another all-time draft, this time for basketball. BJ won the coin toss…again. He picked first and he’s got the odd numbered players. Here’s the results…

1. MICHAEL JORDAN
2. SHAQ O’NEIL
3. MAGIC JOHNSON
4. HAKEEM OLAJUWON
5. WILT CHAMBERLAIN
6. JOHN STOCKTON
7. KARL MALONE
8. LARRY BIRD
9. ALEX ENGLISH
10. KOBE BRYANT
11. KAREEM ABDUL-JABAR
12. TIM DUNCAN
13. ISIAH THOMAS
14. OSCAR ROBERTSON
15. CLYDE DREXLER
16. JAMES WORTHY
17. KEVIN MCHALE
18. CHARLES BARKLEY
19. KEVIN GARNET
20. REGGIE MILLER
21. LABRON JAMES
22. BILL RUSSELL
23. JOE DUMARS
24. SCOTTIE PIPPEN

BJ

Michael Jordan
Magic Johnson
Wilt Chamberlain
Karl Malone
Alex English
Kareem Abdul-Jabar
Isiah Thomas
Clyde Drexler
Kevin McHale
Kevin Garnet
LaBron James
Joe Dumars

Holy Hand Grenade

Shaq
Hakeem Olajuwon
John Stockton
Larry Bird
Kobe Bryant
Tim Duncan
Oscar Robertson
James Worthy
Charles Barkley
Reggie Miller
Bill Russell
Scottie Pippen

They stink on ice

I’m a sports nut. I make no apologies and will remain a fanatic until the day I die. So in my continuing quest to disseminate vast amounts of sports knowledge I bring to you the definitive list of the ten worst franchises in American sports. The losers are…

10. Detroit Lions-These guys have been so bad for so long it almost defies comprehension. Matt Millen has made some decent moves, drafting Roy Williams and Charles Rogers, but the organization as a whole has been mired in mediocrity since the day I was born. But with young players like Teddy Lehman, Boss Baily, and Kevin Jones they potentially have a bright future. The hiring of Steve Mariuci was a good move but the presence of Wayne Fontes in the coaching carousel that is the Lions taints Mooch’s tenure. Fonts had arguably the best running back in the history of football, Barry Sanders, and put him behind a bad offensive line in a run-and-shoot offense. Other luminaries like Bobby Ross, Darryl Rogers, Monte Clark, and Marty Mornhinwig have prowled the sidelines for what was once one of the most storied teams in the NFL. They’ve won one playoff game in forty years.

9. Atlanta Hawks-Attending a home game for this team is like going to a fourth grade band recital. The crowd there is so quiet you can hear the popcorn popping in the concourses. They average fewer than 12,000 per home game and rarely sell out even playoff games. Atlanta has one of the most apathetic fan bases in sports. Even when they had Dominik Wilkins and were competing for playoff spots their fans were still non-supportive to say the least. Far from the most historically inept franchises ever their absentee fans alone are reason enough for inclusion on this list. That and they’ve difiled the NBA hardwood with bad basketball for the better part of the last ten years. Maybe the number two pick in this year’s draft will change their fortune. But then that begs the question…would anyone in Atlanta even care.

8. Chicago Black Hawks/White Sox-For the sake of the economy of commentary the two worst teams in Chicago tie for eighth place on our little count down. A plague on both your houses! The Black Hawks now own the dubious honor of having the longest Stanly Cup drought in the NHL. Team owner Bill Wirtz has been roundly criticized by ‘Hawks fans, the media, and NHL observers for his penny-pinching ways. Jeremy Roenick, Ed Belfour, and Chris Chelios are just a few of the gifted players that have been traded or jumped ship. The Black Hawks' situation is so bad that their flagship radio station recently dropped their contract. On the other side of town is the equally feeble White Sox. Yes, for those of you who don’t live in the Windy City there are indeed two baseball teams in Chicago. Not that you’d know it from all the press coverage they get. Owner Jerry Reinsdorf refuses to pay for talent, their minor league system is one of the worst in baseball, they rarely sell out their home games, and they haven’t won a World Series since 1917. Other than that they’re just fine. *Snicker*

7. Milwaukee Brewers-But for the presence of Bud Selig and now his daughter the Brew Crew would actually be a less-than-wretched franchise. When the league flirted with contraction a couple years ago Tampa Bay, Montreal, Minnesota, and Kansas City were all rumored to be headed for the hatchet. Lost in all this was the fact that the Brewers have been every bit as unsuccessful as any of the teams mentioned but escaped contraction talk for one reason only…Bud Selig. Imagine the size of the egg on Bud’s face if his own team had been scrapped. I’m smiling just thinking about it.

6. New York Rangers-How much money has this team spent on big name busts? Answer: a bundle. The Rangers have been in the top three in NHL payroll for ten years but haven’t made the playoffs since ’96. Players like Eric Lindros, Pavel Bure, Bobby Holik, and Darius Kasperitis have been relied on to turn around this floundering squad but they’ve only succeeded in underachieving and crippling the payroll. General Manager Glen Sather has alienated nearly everyone in hockey and let the best leader the sport has ever seen, Mark Messier, go to Vancouver. What’s the most reliable sign a player’s career is going to hit the skids? They’ll play for the Rangers.

5. Los Angeles Clippers-The only reason this team isn’t number one with a bullet is that they’ve actually shown a flicker of life the last few years. The perpetual anchor dragging down this team is and always will be owner Donald Sterling. The pariah of the NBA, Sterling has admitted he’s not as much about winning as he is about profit. This team refuses to resign young talent, Elgin Baylor is possibly the worst GM in sports, their drafts have been awful, they have no fan base, and they rarely sell out even in the second largest city in America. The Clippers have been so bad for so long it is down right scary.

4. Cincinnati Bengals-The laughable Bungles more closely resemble a pack of constipated wildebeest than an actual NFL franchise. Owners of the overall number one pick three times in the last eleven years the Bengals have nothing to show for such lofty first rounders. The jury is still out on Carson Palmer but Dan Wilkinson and Ki-Jana Carter are amongst the biggest draft busts of all time. Bengals’ owner Mike Brown, much like the aforementioned Sterling, apparently has an aversion to re-signing his own talent. Not to mention the squandering of one high draft pick after another. Their record since 1990 is 80-166. They can't even win a third of their games. ‘Nuf said.

3. Colorado Rockies-They burst onto the scene when Eric Young clubbed a homerun in the team’s first ever at bat. Three years later they pushed the vaunted Atlanta Braves to six games before losing in the playoffs. It’s been down hill ever since. With only one bona fide star, Todd Helton, the Rockies have been mired in last place since the millennium switch. Gone are the days of 2 to 3 million in yearly attendance, the most widely sold merchandise in baseball, and any semblance of competitiveness. To show you how bad the fortune of this team has turned sure fire Rookie of the Year candidate Clint Barmes, who was hitting .325 with 34 RBI’s and eight home runs, was walking up a flight of stairs with groceries in tow when he fell and broke his collar bone. He’ll be out until at least mid-August.

2. Tampa Bay Devil Rays-The only reason they’re not firmly in the top spot is the fact that they’ve only been stinking it up for seven years. The Rays play in the worst venue in sports. Should you ever get the impulse to visit Tropicana Field just lock yourself in a hermetically sealed Tupperware bowl and breathe your own air for three hours. Then for your added enjoyment watch bad baseball on artificial turf. You’ll beg for death inside of thirty minutes.

1. Arizona Cardinals-Speaking of living hell I truly feel for Cardinals’ fans, all seven of them. This team is the gold standard of futility in all of sports. Owner Bill Bidwell may be the most hated owner in America and without a doubt the most incompetent. The last time they won a championship was 1947. Since 1980 the Cards have had four seasons of .500 or better with one playoff victory and they have AVERAGED 5.5 WINS A YEAR in that span. Over the past 55 years the Cards have posted fifteen winning or .500 seasons. The NFL went to a sixteen game season in '78 and since the switch the Cardinals' winning percentage is .361. The Cards have had top ten draft choices seventeen times in the 25 years. They owned first round picks in '90, '92, and '95 but wasted them on supplemental pick Timm Rosenbach, and trades for Randal Hill and Rob Moore. The defining moment for this franchise came when kicker Bill Gramatica blew out his knee celebrating a first quater field goal in 2001. This type of ineptitude is beyond description.

Honorary mention-Minnesota Vikings, Oakland Raiders, Chicago Cubs, Kansas City Royals, New Jersey Nets, Pittsburg Pirates, New York Islanders

Mock Draft of the ages

Football addiction is a deadly disease. Night sweats, uncontrolable fits of rage, and a distant stare are symptoms that accompany FA. So to appease our conditions myself and BJ did an all-time mock draft to determine football knowledge supremecy. We flipped a coin and Beej got the first pick. We each had 45 roster spots to fill and BJ's picks are odd and I chose the even numbered. Here's how it broke down pick by pick, position by position, and starting lineups. BJ's running a 3-4 D and I'm going with a 4-3. Let me know what y'all think.

1 QB JOHN ELWAY
2 LB LAWRENCE TAYLOR
3 WR JERRY RICE
4 LB DICK BUTKUS
5 LB RAY LEWIS
6 RB JIM BROWN
7 RB BARRY SANDERS
8 DE REGGIE WHITE
9 CB DIEON SANDERS
10 S RONNIE LOTT
11 DE DEACON JONES
12 QB JOE MONTANA
13 OL ANTHONY MUNOZ
14 OL ERIC WILLIAMS
15 WR RANDY MOSS
16 WR CHRIS CARTER
17 TE SHANNON SHARPE
18 CB WILLIE BROWN
19 S STEVE ATWATER
20 DT MEAN JOE GREEN
21 DT RANDY WHITE
22 WR MARVIN HARRISON
23 DE CHARLES HALEY
24 DE BRUCE SMITH
25 CB DARRELL GREEN
26 OT GARY ZIMMERMAN
27 OL ERIC ALLEN
28 DB ROD WOODSON
29 OL TONY BOSELLI
30 C MIKE WEBSTER
31 DL TOO TALL JONES
32 RB EARL CAMPBLE
33 RB ERIC DICKERSON
34 TE KELLEN WINSLOW
35 QB DAN MARINO
36 QB BRETT FAVRE
37 LB RAY NITSCHKE
38 LB HARDY NICKERSON
39 LB DERRICK THOMAS
40 LB JUNIOR SEAU
41 S KENNY EASLEY
42 CB MIKE HAINES
43 LB MIKE SINGLETARY
44 DT HOWEY LONG
45 C DWIGHT STEPHENSON
46 G JOHN HANNA
47 DL JOHN RANDLE
48 QB TOM BRADY
49 QB MIKE VICK
50 WR TIM BROWN
51 WR STEVE LARGENT
52 DL LEROY SELMON
53 TE TONY GONZALES
54 OL RUSS GRIMM
55 DL DAN HAMPTON
56 LB CARL BANKS
57 LB ANDRE TIPPETT
58 RB EMMITT SMITH
59 RB WALTER PATYON
60 WR JAMES LOFTON
61 T JACKIE SLATER
62 CB MELL BLOUNT
63 CB DICK "NIGHT TRAIN" LANE
64 S DENNIS SMITH
65 WR ART MONK
66 LB WILLIE LANIER
67 CB ANEAS WILLIAMS
68 T ORLANDO PACE
69 LB WILBUR MARSHAL
70 C TOM NALEN
71 OL JOE JACOBY
72 DE CHRIS DOLEMAN
73 RB OJ SIMPSON
74 RB MARCUS ALLEN
75 P REGGIE ROBIE
76 OL WILLIE ROAF
77 OL DAN DIEDORF
78 DL RICHARD DENT
79 JACK LAMBERT
80 TE OZZIE NEWSOME
81 OL ART SHELL
82 DB DARREN WOODSON
83 S BILL BATES
84 DB DERON CHEERY
85 DB TY LAW
86 K JASON ELAM
87 K MIKE VANDERJAGT
88 P RAY GUY
89 LB JACK HAM
90 DL ALAN PAGE
91 HC VINCE LOMBARDI
92 HC BILL PARCELLS
93 OC MIKE SHANIHAN
94 DC BUDDY RYAN
95 DC TONY DUNGY
96 OC CHARLIE WIES



BJ's roster

QB-1. Elway
2. Marino
3. M. Vick
RB-1. B. Sanders
2. E. Dickerson
3. W. Payton
4. O. J.
WR-1. Rice
2. R. Moss
3. S. Largent
4. A. Monk
TE-1. Sharpe
2. T. Gonzalez
OL-1. Munoz
2. E. Allen
3. T. Boselli
4. D. Stephenson
5. J. Slater
6. J. Jacoby
7. D. Dierdorf
8. A. Shell
DL-1. D. Jones
2. Randy White
3. C. Haley
4. Too Tall
5. J. Randle
6. D. Hampton
LB-1. R. Lewis
2. Nitschke
3. D. Thomas
4. Singletary
5. A. Tippett
6. W. Marshal
7. J. Hamm
8. J. Lambert
DB-1. Dieon
2. Atwater
3. D. Green
4. Easley
5. Night Train Lane
6. A. Williams
7. B. Bates
8. T. Law

Holy Hand Grenade

QB-1. Montana
2. Favre
3. T. Brady
RB-1. J. Brown
2. E. Campbell
3. E. Smith
4. M. Allen
WR-1. C. Carter
2. M. Harrison
3. T. Brown
4. J. Lofton
TE-1. K. Winslow
2. O. Newsome
OL-1. E. Williams
2. Zimmerman
3. M. Webster
4. J. Hannah
5. R. Grimm
6. O. Pace
7. T. Nalen
8. W. Roaf
DL-1. Reggie White
2. Mean Joe
3. B. Smith
4. H. Long
5. L. Selmon
6. C. Doleman
7. R. Dent
8. A. Page
LB-1. LT
2. D. Butkus
3. H. Nickerson
4. J. Seau
5. C. Banks
6. W. Lanier
DB-1. R. Lott
2. W. Brown
3. R. Woodson
4. M. Haines
5. M. Blount
6. D. Smith
7. D. Woodson
8. D. Cherry

Projected Starters

BJ
Head Coach-Lombardi
Off. Coordinator-Shannahan
Def. Coordinator-Dungy
QB-Elway
RB-Sanders
Dickerson
WR-Rice
Moss
TE-Sharpe
LT-Munoz
LG-E. Allen
C-Stephenson
RG-Jacoby
RT-Boselli

DE-D. Jones
NG-Randy White
DE-C. Haley
LOLB-D. Thomas
MLB-R. Lewis
MLB-Singletary
ROLB-A. Tippett
CB-Dieon
CB-D. Green
FS-Easley
SS-Atwater


Holy Hand Grenade
Head Coach-Parcells
Off. Coordinator-C. Weis
Def. Coordinator-B. Ryan
QB-Montana
RB-Brown
E. Campbell
WR-C. Carter
M. Harrison
TE-Winslow
LT-Zimmerman
LG-J. Hannah
C-Nalen
RG-Grimm
RT-E. Williams

DE-Reggie White
DT-Mean Joe
DT-Howie Long
DE-B. Smith
LOLB-LT
MLB-Butkus
ROLB-Seau
CB-W. Brown
CB-M. Haines
FS-D. Woodson
SS-Lott

A heartfelt tribute

It was the summer after I graduated from high school, the world was at my feet, and between June of ’89 and July of ’90 the nine of us were inseparable. Quite literally our group formed one night in the Mullet Man’s cul-de-sac. I had never met half these guys before and I was sure I’d be treated like an interloper. See, Mullet had gone to a Lutheran prep school with these guys and had grown up around them. Mullet, the enigmatic Lurch, and I had formed a fast friendship in class at Bear Creek High and they were anxious to introduce me to the boys. So we met at Mullet’s house in preparation for a Friday night out. My apprehension was abated when Marky Mark shook my hand, tossed me a beer, and made me feel as if I’d been part of the group all along. It was like slipping on an old pair of comfortable shoes. What happened that night was a true cosmic convergence. It was perfect.

Our trip to South Padre Island for spring break in ’90 was one of those mythical road trips that have become a right of passage for every American male. We all piled into Q-Tip’s green & white ’65 Ford F100 pickup, Leonardo’s ’88 Nissan pickup, and my girl friend’s Jeep Wrangler. We left on Thursday night and got to our hotel around 6 p.m. on Friday. The drive took us through west Texas, which incidentally is like driving through the bowels of Hell, and we were praying Tip’s POS would hold together until we got to South Padre. One memorable night we went to this bar (I think it was Tequila Frogs but don’t quote me) and mainlined tequila (ever after pronounced ta-kill-ya) for a few hours. Afterwards Tip, Mullet Man, Hop-along, Hollywood, and I broke out the golf clubs and played midnight nude golf on the beach. Marky Mark, the Whiner, Lurch, and Leonardo headed back to the hotel to sleep of their bender. Once we got bored with smacking around a golf ball we went exploring and found a golf cart that belonged to one of the hotels. Being the drunk and butt naked dumbasses we were we decided to abscond with our new mode of transportation and drove around for a while. Somehow we found a pier and proceeded to drive the cart into the water. Laughing and flailing we scrambled back to shore, put our now soaking wet clothes back on, and stumbled back to our hotel. Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico is a golf cart with our names on it.

There were those nights spent playing Risk and shooting the s**t until the wee hours of the morning. Poker night in Leonardo’s garage was always something we looked forward to. We’d get our paychecks on a Friday afternoon, cash them, and assemble at Leo’s and play poker until dawn. Lurch showed up to vainly try to recoup past losses, Mullet Man loved the pizza we got from Beau Jo’s, and Tip always started the peanut war. Lurch threw parties that were legendary. These were the type of party where you sleep where you fall and his back yard always looked like the Jonestown Massacre. Hollywood would host impromptu pool tournaments that usually degenerated into a giant smack talking festival. Mullet’s mom always cooked the bomb ass dinner for us and the look on his father’s face was priceless as the nine of us ate him out of house & home. He was always found later in front of the TV muttering something about how we all had hollow legs to be able to eat that much that quickly.

Marky Mark and Q-Tip grew up to become fire fighters and will always have my undying respect. Marky Mark has three daughters while Tip’s first kid was born about a year and a half ago. Mullet Man is still a serial monogamist and went into the real estate business with his dad. Funny, I always thought he hated the man. Lurch is now pulling down a mid six-figure salary at Charles Schwab. Leo lives in Fort Collins and works for Hewlett-Packard. The Whiner is an investment consultant and does some estate planning. Hop-along does part-time modeling, or so he says, and God only knows what else. Hollywood is married, has a kid, and works for Invesco.

My most vivid memory of these guys was July 2, 1990. We had all gathered at Mullet Man’s for a barbecue and beer. It was your average low scale get together with us and the women folk. Nothing significant happened…other than it was our last night together.

The next night, July 3, I was driving to Lake Granby to meet up with the boys for a night at some cabin and 4th of July golf tournament the next day. It was raining cats & dogs and visibility was crap. I rounded this bend on Berthoud Pass and came up on a gas tanker that was backing across the road with no running lights on or signal flairs. I had no time to stop and my Honda Civic T-boned the tool box underneath the tank. I broke my neck and have been in a wheel chair ever since. I was nineteen.

I haven’t seen Mullet, Leonardo, Hop-along, or the Whiner since Marky Mark’s wedding in ’91. Q-tip and I try to go to at least one Bronco game a year and I saw Hollywood about five years ago. I ran into Lurch at our ten year high school reunion.

I’m not trying to preach about friendship or to teach some kind of all encompassing universal truth. This also isn’t meant to be some cheap, not-so-subtle tug at the heart strings or a heavy-handed plea for sympathy. This post is simply a tribute in a very public forum to youth and eight old friends. Gentlemen, wherever you are let me say thank you and take care.

1913

Let us take a trip in the Way Back machine. The year is 1913. Crackerjack puts its first prize in their candy boxes, the temperature in Death Valley hits 134 degrees which is still the hottest recorded mark in American history, Ford Motor Company introduces its first assembly line, construction on the Panama Canal wraps up, and Thomas Woodrow Wilson is sworn in as President. Also in 1913, Rosa Parks, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Hoffa, Gerald Ford, Jesse Owens, Burt Lancaster, and J.P. Morgan all draw their first breaths while Albert Einstein worked on the theory of general relativity. This was also a dark year for the country and especially the Constitution.

In barely a two month span both the Sixteenth Amendment and the Seventeenth Amendment were ratified. The 16th ushered in the era of a national income tax and the 17th took away a birthright of the individual states. The really stunning part is the clandestine maneuvering that took place to ram these draconian measures through. These two amendments will be forever linked in annals of American history and as with all things political nothing is as it seems.

Originally proposed in 1909 the national income tax was dead on the vine. The 16th Am. languished in the state legislatures with little chance for ratification. Then the federal brokers arranged an unwritten back-room deal that would assure passage of a federal income tax. The power mongers in Washington knew that Amendment XVI would exponentially increase their supremacy and influence over the sovereign states and they were desperate to push it through. Likewise, the states were equally eager to rid themselves of the hassle of having to appoint their own senators. Thus a deal was struck. The states agreed to ratify the income tax and the feds vowed to back Am. XVII. There is nothing in writing to support this conspiracy theory but the timing was dubious at best. Amendment XVI was ratified on February 3, 1913 with Amendment XVII receiving the stamp of approval on April 8 of the same year. That’s a difference of 64 days. What a coincidence. And as we all know there are no coincidences in the world of American politics.

So, in a ravenous power grab the federal government dramatically increased its power to undreamed of levels while the states surrendered what was at one time their duty imposed by the original framers of the Constitution and endowed by our Creator. In one fell swoop the intent of a government that operates from the bottom up was turned on eats ear. No longer could the states dictate to the feds because the last vestige of state influence over federal power was handed over on a silver platter. And the US Congress took the ball and ran with it all the way to the bank.

To put it into perspective the federal budget in 1900 was $550 million. In 2004 the budget was $2.294 TRILLION, and when you do the math that’s an average yearly increase of 40%. Between 1917 and ’18 the federal coffers grew from just under one billion to over four, a boost of 400%. In 2003 federal spending topped $20,000 per household for the first time since WWII. That same year the feds taxed $16,780 per household, a deficit $3,520. Under George Bush Jr. we’ve seen the largest proportional increase in spending since Lyndon Johnson. With Ronald Reagan at the helm the budget deficit quadrupled. Lyndon Johnson spent money like a drunken sailor on shore leave and Jimmy Carter pumped up the deficit to $990 billion. The 16th Am. created a rabid monster that has yet to be tamed.

The 17th Am. was no less insidious. Because of overt laziness and political skittishness the states abdicated their ability to influence federal legislative policy. The Senate was meant to be an arm of the state legislatures, not a tool of the people, that’s what the House of representatives is for. Of the appointment of senators by the states Alexander Hamilton said this, “Among the various modes which might have been devised for constituting this branch of the government, that which has been proposed by the convention is probably the most congenial with the public opinion. It is recommended by the double advantage of favoring a select appointment, and of giving to the State governments such an agency in the formation of the federal government as must secure the authority of the former, and may form a convenient link between the two systems.” The question is not which method is the most accurate reflection of the will of the states but which method affords the states their greatest opportunity to protect their sovereignty. To acquiesce to a central government the states’ rights of self determination is to create a system where the government rules and legislates from the top down. The 17th Am. gave the feds absolute power over the states and as the old axiom says, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”, not to mention the basic principle of s**t ALWAYS flows down hill.

As a professed registered Democrat I realize on a prima facea level that my condemnation of the two Constitutional amendments that have done more to expand the federal government than all other amendments combined seems disingenuous but hear me out on this. But for the 16th we’d have no Social Security, welfare, Medicaid or Medicare. But for the 17th we’d have no Senate blood bath over judicial nominees or Borking, no NAFTA, or no Kyoto. I have supported many of these policies in the past but no longer can I turn a blind to the sinister influence of such a mad governmental expansion. No longer can I ignore the disastrous affects of the deterioration of state sovereignty. December 7, 1941 was a day that will live in infamy but 1913 is a year that inexorably altered the foundations of our republic and therefore scarred the very fabric of our society. 1913 was a dark year indeed.

17th Amendment: An afternoon conversation

I was breaking bread with a dear friend of mine, hereafter known as Forest, on Friday over a couple bland burritos. He’s a staunch conservative and a huge fan of George Bush Jr. and I’m a registered Democrat who views the current president as a harbinger of Armageddon so, naturally, our political discussions are spirited to say the least. We were bandying about the current judicial filibuster flap and the now infamous Newsweek brain fart. Eventually our talk turned to my theory that the 17th Amendment should be abolished and boy did the fur start to fly. It is my recent contention, call it an epiphany, that choosing U.S. Senators by popular vote is contradictory to the original intent of the Constitution. Article I states; “The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, chosen by the Legislature thereof, for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote.” The 17th Am. unequivocally obliterates this provision and gives the power to the people to choose the members of the Senate.

As he is apt to do Forest brought up a couple of interesting points to refute my contention. First, he said that returning the senatorial selection method to its original framework, i.e. state legislatures select senators, political cronyism and nepotism would hold sway over the process. Second, Forest feels that this would add yet another layer of cumbersome bureaucracy to an already sluggish governmental instrument. Forest went as far to say that my theory is symptomatic of my supposed allegiance to expanded government. Third, he says that the current electoral process is as accurate a reflection of the legislative will of the states as the original Article I stipulation was.

Forest always keeps me on my toes but he’s utterly wrong on this one.

The Federalist Paper No. 62 says, “The qualifications proposed for senators, as distinguished from those of representatives, consist in a more advanced age and a longer period of citizenship. A senator must be thirty years of age at least; as a representative must be twenty-five. And the former must have been a citizen nine years; as seven years are required for the latter. The propriety of these distinctions is explained by the nature of the senatorial trust, which, requiring greater extent of information and stability of character, requires at the same time that the senator should have reached a period of life most likely to supply these advantages; and which, participating immediately in transactions with foreign nations, ought to be exercised by none who are not thoroughly weaned from the prepossessions and habits incident to foreign birth and education.” This is a clear manifestation by two of the Founding Fathers, Alexander Hamilton and James Madison, that Senators need to be more mature and qualified because of the nature of their unique responsibilities. The only way to ensure this is letting the state legislatures appoint Senators, cronyism and nepotism be damned. ‘Tis better to err on the side of a quid pro quo arrangement than to let a glorified beauty contest that is a general election choose members of the most powerful and influential legislative body in the land. General elections have degenerated into a preening contest where one-upmanship carries the day. Eliminate the frenzied election, replace it with an appointment mechanism and you create a system where candidates have to run on their qualifications and not on whether their hair is styled correctly or the cut of the navy-blue suit is flattering or dignified.

Admittedly, as seen by the bloodbath in the Senate over judicial appointments, the process for appointing anyone to a position higher than little league coach can be a bit tedious. It stands to reason that a state legislature would grind to a halt should they be entrusted with appointing members of the Senate. The very first session of Congress saw the state of New York without a senator because of a gird-locked state legislature. Thus was born the 17th Amendment, a little modification that was supposed to solve the problem of endless debate on the state level. Seems that the states no longer wished to be burdened with the arduous task they had been entrusted with. But we’ve exchanged one bureaucratic nightmare for another. Infinitely more costly, general elections also ensure that senators can literally ignore their constituency for four years and campaign for the last two years of their tenure. General elections and the onerous campaigns that are a little ancillary effect are expensive, mind numbing, and quite frankly boring. A state level dog fight would be far more entertaining than watching still-born stuffed shirts pontificate about issues they’ll do nothing about four 2/3 of their term anyway. Give me the state feud and you can have your multi-million dollar election. If anything abolishing the 17th would save millions of tax payers' dollars. How does this increase the size of government? Tell me, I'm dying to know.

The most important and intriguing question is which scheme is a more accurate reflection of the states’ will. However, there is an even more fundamental threshold issue that must be addressed; should the Senate be a vassal of the states or of the people. Clearly Article I intended for the Senate to be a voice for the individual states. Therein lays the rub. The framers of the Constitution never intended for the Senate to be in the hands of the people. That’s what the House of Representatives is for. Forest’s third point appears to be moot, especially when you apply another proviso to the equation. Article V stated, “No State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.” Echoing this sentiment, James Madison wrote in Federalist Paper #43, “The prohibition against the adoption of any amendment whereby a state is deprived of its equal suffrage in the Senate without its consent involves two things: first, that if the state chooses to consent, it may be deprived of its equal suffrage in the Senate; and, second, that it may not, by any amendment, be deprived of its power to give or refuse its consent.” Simply put, any state that does not wish to acquiesce to Am. XVII doesn’t have to. This is one of the most stunning bits of political trickery in American history.

The more research I do the more convinced I become that the 17th Amendment has done irreparable damage to this country. This insidious concoction of legal slight of hand has led to the rampant partisanship that stonewalls nearly all meaningful change. The states have lost their voice in Congress due in no small part to laziness and apathy. Contrary to original intent the states have literally no say in the process that fundamentally and profoundly affects their sovereignty and we have Amendment XVII to thank for that.

Best of the best

In yet another effort to bring my own brand of enlightenment to the world I’ve done minutes of copious research and my list of the best television news personalities. Reporters like these are why I watch the news. So in order here are tops in the business…

1. Trish Regan CBS
2. Heather Nauert ABC
3. Shanon Cook CNN
4. Jane Skinner FOX
5. Brooke Anderson CNN
6. Christi Paul CNN-HLN
7. Claudia DiFalco MSNBC
8. Lara Logan CBS
9. Robin Meade CNN-HLN
10. Contessa Brewer MSNBC
11. Laurie Dhue FOX
12. Susan Hendricks
13. Megyn Kendal FOX
14. Asieh Namdar CNN-HLN
15. Kiran Chetry FOX
16. Martha MacCallum FOX
17. Daryn Kagen CNN
18. Alex Witt MSNBC
19. Betty Nguyen CNN
20. Juliet Huddy FOX
21. Sibila Vargas CNN
22. Elizabeth Vargas ABC
23. Paula Zahn CNN
24. Amy Robach MSNBC
25. Alexis Glick NBC

Honorable mention: Julie Banderas FOX, Linda Vester FOX, Lisa Daniels MSNBC, Julie Chen CBS, Erica Hill CNN-HLN, Kit Hoover ESPN

Survival kit

In my continued attempt to enlighten I’ve come up with ten rules for surviving any horror movie.

1. Never get naked or have sex. The nude frolicking sex pots are ALWAYS the first to die.
2. Never go in the basement. The cellar of any house o’ horrors is invariably the nest of the blood thirsty psychopath bent on human misery.
3. Don’t run backwards. How many scared nymphets have we seen run backwards through the woods at night? Idiots! Which brings me to…
4. Don’t go out into the dark foreboding woods at night. If you do you’ll be dead in two minutes.
5. Subscribe to the Henry Fonda workout plan of “Lie down and be quiet” for the duration of your stay at Crystal Lake. Find a nice crawl space, storm cellar, or secluded storage area and nap until the spawn of Satan has killed to his heart’s content.
6. Take a valium. We all know it’s nearly impossible to think when your heart is pounding so fast you can’t hear your own inner dialogue. The impulse of “Get the f**k out of the house” is drowned out by the thumping of your heart. If you’re all wazed out your heart will beat nice and slowly thereby allowing you to react to the panicky inner voice.
7. If you find a severed head in the toilet or a body nailed up across a door frame resist the impulse to warn your friends of impending doom. Just run like hell.
8. If you run into a crazy, overall wearing, front teeth missing, grease stained red neck sitting on a porch of some rotted out back woods hillbilly haven turn your vehicle around and proceed immediately to the nearest Starbucks.
9. Don’t go in the water!
10. The last and possibly most important rule is always, ALWAYS, drive a properly maintained vehicle. How many senseless deaths could have been prevented if people wouldn’t drive these POS’s up into the mountains?

You see, escaping the clutches of a denizen of evil is really simple if you just obey the rules.

Down with the 17th

For years the federal government has had carte blanche to enact laws and implement policies that have slowly whittled away that which made our form of representative republicanism so unique. From the Patriot Act to the Brady Bill, from the abortion debate to the fight for legitimizing gay marriage, from Bush v Gore to United States v Morrison, the federal government has been in a ravenous power grab as it snatches up control like a rabid Pac-Man. Meanwhile, the very people that the Constitution was written to protect have signed off on the power grab like so many sheep being led to slaughter. The Police said it perfectly; “Pack black lemmings into shiny metal boxes, contestants in a suicidal race.”

Time has come to end destruction of the autonomy of the states. Time has come for the people to regain their birth right. Time has come for the people to extract their collective craniums from their collective rectums and reign in the monster we have created.

Some have claimed that the downward spiral of America can be linked back to August 18, 1920 when women won the right to vote. I think it goes back further…to 1913.

So I’ve stumbled upon the perfect solution. Abolish the 17th Amendment. Now I’m by no means the first to forward this idea or by any stretch of the imagination the most prominent (unless you count my two regular readers) but I’m a patriot who has a vision and wishes a return to the days of yore when our federal government was fairly limited in its control over the states.

Enacted in 1913, Am. XVII states; “The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected by the people thereof, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote. The electors in each State shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State legislatures.”

Before the adoption of Am. XVII U.S. Senators were appointed by the legislative bodies of the individual states. Article I, section 3, clause 1 of the Constitution states, “The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, chosen by the Legislature thereof, for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote.”

Correct me if I’m wrong but Am. XVII is the first amendment that directly obliterates a clause from the original Constitution. Other amendments, such as the XI, XII, XIII, XVI, XX, XVI, and XVII Amendments, have modified some original clauses, but none has erased the precursor so completely. (Arguably Am. XVIII which imposed the graduated income tax vacated the non taxation clause but you could make the contention that Congress’ power to levy taxes also directly countermands that clause also but that’s another argument for another day.)
What, pray tell, does all this mean? Simple, the founding fathers saw the Senate as a direct check on federal power. The appointing of senators was seen as a more accurate barometer of the political will of the states than a direct election would be. The legislators on the state level are far more cognizant of ramifications of the actions of the most powerful arm of Congress. And the architects of the Constitution knew this. The Senate has sole power to try articles of impeachment, approve the appointments of Supreme Court Justices and Cabinet officers, and ratify treaties. This is an enormous responsibility. Alexander Hamilton said it best in Federalist No. 65, “The convention, it appears, thought the Senate the most fit depositary of this important trust. Those who can best discern the intrinsic difficulty of the thing, will be least hasty in condemning that opinion, and will be most inclined to allow due weight to the arguments which may be supposed to have produced it”.

Since 1913 many legislative battles have been fought and the majority of Senators on the front lines have been chosen by an ill-informed populace instead of being hand picked by the state legislators. Before the ratification of Am. XVII the Supreme Court was a fairly restrained body whose justices fully appreciated the Pandora’s Box that accompanies tampering with states’ rights. It’s no accident that the overall quality of Supreme Court Justices has gone down hill since 1913. Yes there is Thurgood Marshal, Felix Frankfurter, Byron White, Hugo Black, Benjamin Cardozo, and Antonin Scalia but the blood lines have run thin in 20th century jurisprudence. Before the full effects of Am. XVII could be felt titans such as Oliver Wendell Holmes, Louis Brandeis, John Marshal, Joseph Story, and John Harlan shaped Constitutional law and were all appointed before the Senate was subject to the constantly changing winds of public opinion. Then there’s the myriad of ultimately foolish international treaties approved by the Senate as well as the botched appointment of Robert Bork who was torpedoed by a puritanical Senate despite a nearly spotless judicial record…hence the coining of the verb “borked”.

It’s obvious the U.S. Senate has a unique purpose and has been entrusted with monumental responsibilities. It is also obvious that this most influential of Congressional houses through its powers has trampled on states’ rights. The reason for this is the states have lost their voice. The people have their federal legislative body in the House of Representatives but the states don’t. Give the states back their voice and you’ll quell the monster that runs rough shod over the Constitution. Give the Senate back to the states and all will be right with the world. I hope.

Lest ye forget

Today is the 60th anniversary of VE Day. Let us all pay homage to the millions of WWII vets who fought so bravely. And if you're listening grandpa I miss you and know that you're up there in heaven with the 164th looking down on us. I hope I can make you proud.

The misadventures of a misguided youth

As another manic Monday winds down and my stomach heroically begins to digest that five pound chicken burrito I ate at my mom’s & I favorite restaurant for no reason in particular, other than a few hours earlier I watched my beloved matriarch nearly launch her new Sony Vaio lap top into the parking lot, I began contemplating the scariest moments in my life. Now let me preface the following list with the caveat that my mother’s temper is legendary, lethal, and a destructive force of nature. She has the kind of temper where you see her neighbors on the news saying, “She was always so quiet. We had no idea there were bodies covered in lime buried in her crawl space.”

10. When I was five we lived in a run o’ the mill townhouse complex. I had a friend, BJ, who was black and lived just around the corner. BJ and I were supposed to go to the park but he canceled at the last minute. I was pissed and stormed into the house and shouted, “That f***ing nigger!” My mom shot me that gaze that every child comes to fear and told me to never use that word again. That was the first and last time I ever used the “N” word.

9. During the summer of 1990 I got into some legal trouble. I got busted for public drunkenness, disobeying a police officer, DUI, and minor in possession. I had no money and my first court date was fast approaching. There was no way I was going to ask my mom for the money to pay the fine. So I thought my grandparents, particularly my dear sweet granny, would loan me the money. So I and Hop-along went to the grand folks’ house to beg for the money. Much to my dismay my grandpa was the only one around and I knew he wouldn't be as easy of a mark. I told my grandpa about my legal trouble and I knew I was in trouble when he got a glazed look in his eyes that I saw my mom get on a number of occasions. Let's just say at that moment I found out about where my mom got her temper from. With my trusty sidekick Hop-along at my side my grandfather proceeded to lay into me about how kids of my generation did not know how to keep their damn mouth shut and how when he was a kid his father would've beat the living daylights out of him. Here’s the kicker. My grandfather was quite the craftsman and had more power tools in his garage than you’ll find at Ace Hardware. So the whole time he’s berating us about respect for authority and whatnot he was cutting pieces of lumber on a big ass table saw for a project and throwing the discarded kindling out onto the driveway. Needless to say I never asked my grandparents for money again, at least if my grandpa was at home. I also found out where my mom got her propensity for throwing things in frustration.

8. During winter of 1990 I was a man slut. I wasn't looking for Ms. Right I was looking for Ms. Right Now. So predictably being the dumb, 19-year-old male that was I tried to play both ends of a doubleheader. Meaning I tried to date two roommates at the same time. Well needless to say my primary girlfriend found out and was not happy. She also had severe anger management issues. When she found out that I had slept with her roommate she sent me the most unforgettable Valentine's Day gift I ever received. The UPS man delivered a box addressed to me that afternoon. I open up the box to find a pig's heart nailed to a 2 x 4 with barbed wire wrapped around it. A week later I found that two of my tires had been slashed. That was my last attempt to date two roommates at the same.

7. One night I went to a party with my girlfriend at the time. The one thing you have to know about this girl is that she had a big mouth and when she drank it got bigger. So she gets wasted off gin & tonics and starts mouthing off to one of the biggest guys I had ever seen in my life. She apparently said something to him that was so offensive he pushed her back and she tripped and hit her head on the fireplace. Me being the chivalrous guy that I am quickly rushed to her aid, made sure she was okay, and confronted the mountain of a man that had just laid hands on my girl. I hit this guy as hard as I could square in the jaw and he barely flinched. At that moment one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned in my entire life flashed before my eyes. My high school history teacher, who to this day remains my favorite teacher ever, told me once that if you ever get in a fight and you hit the guy as hard as you can and he doesn't go down run like hell. I was in the middle of the living room and had nowhere to run. The next thing I remember is a fist the size of a bowling ball catching me in the temple. I dropped like I'd been shot and proceeded to get the living hell kicked out of me.

6. I was in history class one day with the afore mentioned teacher Mr. Mac, who was a 6’4”, 230 pound former marine and not a man to be trifled with. We had built up a great rapport and he considered me one of his faves. Until the day I got lippy in class during a debate. I mocked this dipshit across the room from me and called into question his parentage. Well Mr. Mac got so pissed he picked up the stool he was sitting on and threw it up against the blackboard. The room got deathly quiet and I knew I had pushed my luck passed the breaking point. I sheepishly slumped in my chair and didn’t utter a word in Mac’s class for two weeks. I eventually threw myself on my sword and apologized to Mac and the fellow student I had insulted. The day after the stool toss incident I examined the damage done by Mr. Mac. He had bent the stool nearly in half and cracked the chalkboard in two.

5. When I was twelve I was a fledgling wannabe expert skier. My two cousins and I went to Arapahoe Basin one day and I decided to throw myself down Pollovicini, one of the most infamous chutes in Colorado. I went off the edge at the top and I swear to God that sucker curved under. Well I did one of those ass over tea kettle crashes. My cousins refer to it to this day as the hand grenade crash. It took me over an hour to retrieve all of my equipment.

4. It was January 1998 and the Broncos were on their way to another Super Bowl title. I and Captain Herbalife were getting back from the AFC Championship game. I have no idea what was going through my head but I performed a maneuver that broke both bones in my right lower leg. And in case you were wondering, yes I was sober. Stupid but sober.

3. One night I was with my girlfriend (yes the same one that triggered the beating I mentioned earlier) and we were making whoopee and a number of other unsavory things. We had finished our little bout of coitus uninteruptus not thirty minutes before we heard the front door slam. I looked up and there at the top of flight of six stairs leading to the dining room/kitchen area was a Beretta 9mm strapped to a hip. Yes ladies & gentlemen I had just tarnished the golden child of one of Denver’s finest. Had her father arrived home half an hour earlier I have no doubt that he would have tasered, maced, cuffed, and pistol whipped my ass. And then for good measure he would have tattooed his badge number on my forehead with his night stick. He had the same look in his eyes Mad Max did when he rigged that wrecked car to explode, handcuffed that guy to the bumper, tossed him a hacksaw, and said CHOOSE.

2. It was my first day in third grade. I was staying with my Aunty because my mom was out of town on business and I was excited to get to school. Aunty at the time smoked two packs of Camels a day and drank two pots of coffee every morning. Well Aunty was late getting up and she had no breakfast food for me. So I convinced her to take me to the store to grab doughnuts then take me to school. That was the longest car ride of my life. Just a tip for all you out there: never go ANYWHERE with a heavy smoker and coffee drinker before they’ve had their morning ritual. I give thanks everyday that Aunty never had kids because she would have eaten them.

1. When I was fourteen my mother and I fought like cats & dogs. During a particularly heated exchange I made the colossal mistake of calling her an “F’ing bitch”. You remember that look Hannibal Lecter got just before he beat the life out that security guard in Silence of the Lambs? My mom’s eyes glazed over and I knew I had not just crossed the line but pole vaulted over it. Once again that was the first and last time I ever uttered that epithet.

The poetic irony of it all

I just learned that Denver’s Ocean Journey, the only aquarium in Colorado bigger than a bath tub, is now owned by the same company that owns and operates Landry’s, the national sea food restaurant chain. So, one of the biggest sea food restaurant chains in America runs the only public aquarium in Denver. Now here’s the twist…as part of the multi-million dollar renovation and expansion project Landry’s is opening a full service restaurant on site. I’m not making this up. I’m not that clever.

Imagine being able to walk through and pick out your victim for that lemon-dill tuna steak. “I’ll take the fat one that swimming slow”. That’s like opening a steak house in the middle of a dairy farm. I can just picture the chefs leaving the kitchen with pole in tow and snatching a 35 pound salmon out from in front of little Timmy as he watches the river exhibit. I just hope otter isn’t on the menu. I can already hear the new slogan..."Just for the halibut you otter eat with us", or "When your porpois is fine dining or you're fealing crabby try us".

Football vs. Baseball cont.

There really is no disputing baseball’s historical significance in 20th Century America. Not only has baseball been a constant in the lexicon of our society it has been at the forefront of many turbulent and ground shaking events. The Black Sox scandal where members of the 1919 Chicago White Sox were accused, confessed, and eventually banned from baseball for life shook the foundation of sports. This event forever changed the way we viewed sports and tainted the reputation of the only significant professional sports league in America at the time. This sordid episode also shoved the problems of gambling and organized crime into the lime light.

However, the most important event in major sports history and perhaps in 20th century American history was Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball in 1947. Branch Rickey, then owner of the Brooklyn Dodgers, had the courage to do what no one else did, hire an African-American player to play the nation’s most visible sport on its biggest stage, in New York. Up until ’47 baseball had been a staunchly all-white institution while hundreds of gifted black players starred in the now legendary Negro Leagues. Josh Gibson, Satchel Paige, Cool Papa Bell, Pee Wee Butts, Smokey Joe Williams, and other gifted black baseball players toiled away in relative obscurity while their arguably inferior white counterparts dominated the major leagues. All this for the sake of racial segregation.

That is until a man with a vision, Branch Rickey, chose to make a historical statement. Jackie Robinson was not chosen because he was the best Negro Leaguer but because he was the best suited to endure the hatred that awaited him in the majors. Had the best player from the Negro Leagues been chosen the unbelievably talented and volatile Josh Gibson would have pegged to break down the door for blacks in MLB but Rickey knew that Gibson’s arrogance and abrasiveness would have alienated the very fans he desperately wanted to embrace this experiment. And in Robinson Branch Rickey found the perfect marriage of talent and temperament. Robinson proved to be the right choice and he became the ambassador everyone hoped he would be. Jackie Robinson’s dignity and unflappable nature forever changed the climate of race relations in America.

Football has no such claim on historical significance, unless you examine its effects on American pop culture. The 1958 NFL Championship between the Baltimore Colts and New York Giants is generally regarded as the first defining moment in sports television history and the moment when the NFL “arrived” on the scene. Since that night almost every major advancement in sports broadcasting has been pioneered in football. In 1970 the NFL and ABC struck a deal that would thrust football into the spot light forever. Monday Night Football drew huge audiences and massive advertising revenue. The marriage of football and TV was consummated, an arrangement that would vault the NFL into the position as America’s most watched, most followed, and most popular sport. The Super Bowl has become a cultural mainstay and a global phenomenon. It’s been estimated that over 1.5 billion people in 150 different countries tune in to what is arguably the single biggest sporting event on the planet outside soccer’s World Cup.

What is striking when you examine these two sports side by side is the overall health of the respective power structures. Since 1987 when the players union in the NFL was broken by a labor war with the owners (in 1993 after free agency was fully implemented the NFLPA was reformed as a union) there has been very little acrimony between players and owners. In fact not a single game has been lost due to labor disputes in the NFL since the ’87 strike. Since the 80’s the NFL has adopted a salary cap, comprehensive revenue sharing, a strict drug policy, and TV revenues and attendance figures remain steady. The NFL is now one of the strongest and most lucrative professional sports leagues in the world.

The same can’t be said about Major League Baseball. In 1994 baseball ceased operations ending one of the most exciting seasons in that sport’s history. Before play was stopped and the World Series cancelled for only the second time in one hundred years Tony Gwynn was making a run at .400 season average, Matt Williams was on pace to break Roger Maris’ 61 home run mark, and the Montreal Expos with the lowest payroll in the league were in first place. Only in the last couple years has baseball attracted fans on the scale seen before ’94. And trouble still looms large on the horizon. This year baseball finally adopted some semblance of a drug testing policy but the specter of steroids threatens to unravel the fabric of the most hallowed records in the game. Barry Bonds’ 73 HR’s in 2001, Mark McGuire’s 70 in ’98, and Sammy Sosa’s 66 & 63 in ’98 & ’99 all come with significant baggage. The death of Ken Caminiti, the admitted steroid use of Jason Giambi, and the cloud constantly hovering over Bonds’ head suggests that baseball still has an extremely difficult time policing itself. This is due to a dysfunctional brain trust that is more bent on reaping the spoils of war than in preserving the sport. Bud Selig is a puppet of the owners and his arch nemesis Donald Fehr is the Don Corlione of the players’ union. These two have had more public spats than Al & Peg Bundy. Together Fehr and Selig have worked in concert to destroy whatever credibility baseball may have once had. Franchise success in baseball is largely due to deep pockets rather than to professional competency. Why else would the Yankees be able to compete year in & year out for a World Series trophy despite having possibly the worst minor league development system in the game? Simple, because George Steinbrenner has the deepest pockets in the league.

Baseball for the most part is a rich get richer kind of league whereas football has a genuine competitive balance. In order to compete in the NFL you need to be an astute talent evaluator, be a master mathematician, and relate well to fans and players alike. In baseball you need only have a fat TV deal, a gilded bank roll, and a willingness to shell out $2.5 million a year for an average middle reliever. In 1998 the NFL inked $17.8 billion in network television deals that averages out to about $73.3 million per team per year. The average Major League Baseball franchise clears barely $11 million a year from network TV. Even if you factor in local television revenue the NFL still dwarfs MLB in the TV wars.

Another symptom of baseball’s dysfunction is the manner in which it flaunts its antitrust exemption. Baseball is the only major industry in America that has an exemption from antitrust laws. This means that teams can’t move without league approval, control of individual franchises can be stripped from owners (ask Marge Schott), and the league can contract teams at any time. Bud Selig flirted with this idea a couple years ago and the Expos and the Minnesota Twins were nearly wiped off the major league landscape. Instead the Expos were shipped to Washington D.C. to become the Senators. Another little ancillary effect of the antitrust exemption is that collusion amongst the individual teams has been commonplace, especially during the era of free agency. In the late 80’s the MLBPA filed three different grievances against the owners violating the anti-collusion clause of the 1976 Collective Bargaining Agreement. An independent arbitrator found that baseball owners were indeed guilty of collusion and awarded the players union a $280 million settlement.

When you view the picture as a whole you find that undoubtedly football is a better sport. You don’t find the acrimony between owners and players that exists in baseball, there is not the ominous presence of a massive steroid scandal that exists in baseball, and the athletes are superior in football. While baseball will always lay claim to being the more historically important sport the fact that the powers that be are a moronic band of nincompoops will always be, pardon the pun, strike one against our nation’s pastime. Strike two is the steroid problems baseball still refuses to address properly. And strike three is the nature of labor relations. The ’94 season was lost and it will happen again…guaranteed. Football is by far a more sound business entity with a more marketable product. I’ve weighed the merits, examined the history, and dissected the facts. The verdict is in and football is king.

Football vs. Baseball

As the 2005 NFL Draft draws to a close and the Cincinnati Bengals draft yet another bust (witness Ki-Jana Carter, Akili Smith, David Klingler, Peter Warrick) I was confronted on another blog with a foolish contention that baseball is somehow a superior sport than American football. So I decided to analyze the two sports side-by-side and offer up a detailed and objective, or not so objective, juxtaposition of America’s two most popular sports.

Baseball can trace its origins back to the days of William the Conqueror in England around 1085. Throughout the last thousand years games that resembled baseball have been mentioned in literature and historical texts. There was even mention of a game called “base” in letters home from Valley Forge during the American Revolution. Jane Austin mentions in her classic Northanger Abbey, “it was not very wonderful that Catherine should prefer cricket, base-ball, riding on horseback, and running about the country, at the age of fourteen, to books”. The first organized baseball club in America was the New York Knickerbockers in 1842. Alexander Cartwright and Dr. Lucius Adams formulated the original rules in 1845 that form the foundation of modern-day baseball. The first league was established in New York during the 1850’s. Baseball was a diversion for prisoners of war during the Civil War and the first paid professional league was started in 1871 in New York City. In 1903 the first World Series was played.

In 1823 a game resembling modern-day American football was played in merry old England. The game was quickly adopted in the United States on the collegiate level. Schools such as Harvard and Princeton played as early as the mid 1800’s but organized games weren’t played until after the Civil War. In 1860 in Boston the first high school football games took place. These early contests were a hybrid of rugby and soccer and it wasn’t until 1873 that rules were set to paper. During the late 19th century a man named Walter Camp influenced the adoption of a whole new set of rules. The father of American football, Camp, reduced the field from its original dimensions of 140x70 yards to the more conventional 110x53 yards. Camp also reduced the number of players per side from 15 to 11, developed a system of downs, and called for the center snap. By 1895 professional football had begun. In 1921 the American Professional Football Association adopted its first set of bylaws and expanded to 22 teams. In ’22 the APFA changed its name to the National Football League.

Both sports are literally replete with mythical moments that will live for eternity in the pantheon of American sports. Baseball has Bobby Thompson’s homerun off Ralph Branca in 1951 the now legendary “The Shot heard Round the World”. Football has Dwight Clark’s touchdown thrown by Joe Montana, a.k.a. “The Catch”. Baseball has the infamous ninth inning collapse of the Boston Red Sox in the 1986 World Series against the Mets where Bill Buckner let a little dribbler slip through the wickets giving millions of Sox faithful nightmares for nearly thirty years. Football has “The Drive” where John Elway led the Denver Broncos on a game tying 98 yard drive with five minutes left to send the 1986 AFC Championship game to overtime. The Broncos eventually won and Cleveland Browns fans and Marty Shottenheimer have yet to exorcize the ghosts of that game. Baseball has Don Larson’s no-hitter. Football has Joe Montana’s last minute game winning drive in Super Bowl XXIII. Baseball has Sammy Sosa’s and Mark McGuire’s epic run at the once fabled 61 homerun mark and Cal Ripken’s consecutive games streak. Football has Dan Marino’s all out assault on the record books and Jerry Rice’s staggering numbers.

Both sports also have their fair share of super stars. Men such as Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ted Williams, Satchel Page, Roger Clemens, Sandy Koufax, and Steve Carlton are deities amongst fans of America’s pastime. Likewise, stars like Lawrence Taylor, Jim Brown, Dick Butkus, Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, John Elway, Dan Marino, Barry Sanders, Ronnie Lott, and Reggie White will live on forever in the minds of football fans.

Some of the most colorful nick-names in sports were spawned on the diamond or gridiron. The Sultan of Swat, The Galloping Ghost, The Splendid Splinter, Crazy Legs, The Yankee Clipper, The Minister of Defense, Mr. October, The Rocket, Tombstone (the best nick name in sports history, IMO), Night Train, The Say Hey Kid, Dizzy, Stan the Man, Hammerin’ Hank, The Wizard of Oz, The Big Unit (sounds like a porn star’s name), The Assassin, Mean Joe, Broadway Joe, Sweetness, The Freak, and Prime Time became synonymous with the games’ biggest stars.

Where the separation between the two sports occurs is in the athletes. While the toughest feat in sports is hitting a baseball there really can be no argument that the best athletes reside on the football field. The likes of Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr., Alex Rodriguez, and Jim Edmonds are great athletes but they don’t even compare to an even average NFL player or even those in college football. Players in the NFL routinely run the forty in 4.3 seconds or better. It says something when the best athlete to ever play baseball, Bo Jackson, was also a football player. While sheer athletic ability doesn’t translate to be being a gifted baseball player you must be a sensational athlete to play football. You must be physically strong and tough to even survive in the NFL but the same requirements cannot be said to exist for baseball. The main requirement for baseball is supreme hand-eye coordination, a feat which can be found in a professional billiards player.

We will examine the historical and societal significance of these two sports tomorrow then pass down a final verdict.

Stop the madness!

This from the Associated Press:

CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) - The burger war is growing. Literally. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, which lost its crown as the home of the world's biggest burger earlier this year, is now offering a new burger that weighs a whopping 15 pounds.
Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers - and a bun.
It costs $30.
"It can feed a family of 10," said Denny Liegey Sr., the restaurant's owner.

My God! I can hear myself getting fatter.

Of Todd Helton and freedom

Ahhh, another spring, another baseball season. The Colorado Rockies are mired in last place and all is right with the world. Without a doubt Coors field has become the Siberia of Major League Baseball. And Todd Helton is baseball’s Andrei Sakharov.

The Rockies haven’t finished over .500 since 2000 and haven’t been within ten games of a playoff birth since ’96. All the while Todd Helton has racked up a gaudy .338 average, 252 HR’s, 845 RBI’s, a .613 slugging percentage, and has won three Gold Glove Awards. In ’04 Helton became just the third player ever to hit at least .315, 25 HR’s, and 95 RBI’s in seven consecutive years. The only others to ever accomplish this were Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth. All this from Peyton Manning’s under study at Tennessee.

Now I realize the thin air of Coors Canaveral inflates batting numbers by up to ten percent but that doesn’t eliminate the fact that Helton has been the best 1B in the game for the last seven years. Even if you project his stats for sea-level type production he would still have a career .304 BA, 227 HR’s, and 761 RBI’s. Not to mention the three Gold Gloves.

Helton is also one of the classiest athletes in sports. The bogus steroid accusations aside, Helton has been gracious towards the fans and the media. He has a number of charitable causes and has won numerous humanitarian awards in both Colorado and his native Tennessee.

The five-time All Star is the corner stone of an otherwise floundering franchise. The Rockies have all the direction of a cork in a bath tub. What was once a proud team with one of the steadiest fan bases in the league has turned into one of the worst franchises in professional sports as its only bone fide star wallows away in the gulag that is Coors Field. It really is a shame that one of the top five ball parks in the majors now houses the Mile High version of the Bad News Bears. And one of the true ambassadors of the game is doing his penance in baseball’s Purgatory.

Such was the plight of Andrei Sakharov. The Soviet dissident was exiled in Gorky for seven years before he was allowed to travel freely throughout the former Soviet Union. In 1975 Sakharov won the Nobel Peace Prize for his untiring struggle for human rights in one of the most oppressive regimes in recorded history.

In this respect Helton and Sakharov are kindred spirits. Both were stuck in no win environments and both struggled for their cause. Sakharov fought for freedom. Helton fights for hits, wins, and hopefully that World Series ring he so richly deserves.