Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...the girls of American Pie

Every once in a while a movie catches you totally off guard. That's what happened when I first saw American Pie. The movie generated a huge buzz in the college town I lived at the time. But since its biggest fans were insipid dumbasses I wasn't expecting much. Boy was I pleasanntly surprised! What unfolded was a raunchy tour de comedy that had me rolling. Another surprise was the hotness quotient of its female cast. In tribute to a comedy classic I bring you the American Pie hotties!

Words do not begin to describe the sexy yet hilarious bedroom scene wherein Shannon Elizabeth made young Jim experience premature *eh hem*...twice.

Tara Reid was chunkier in the original AP than her current slender and ever so sexy physique.

Mena Suvari went on to tempt Kevin Spacy in American Beaauty, causing nearly every male that saw the movie to entertain thoughts of scantily clad high school chicks showering in rose pedals.

Alyson Hannigan really came into her hotness on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and How I Met Your Mom. "Say my name bitch!"

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...gotta love those blood suckers

I'm an unabashed fan of vampire movies and hot women. When you combine the two I get damn near catatonic with glee. Here are the most memorable female vampires in television & cinema history, minus the recently immortalized Selma Hayak (From Dusk Til Dawn) and Kate Beckinsale (Underworld).

Sadie Frost played the juicy red maned vampiric vixen in Bram Stoker's Dracula. So hot was she you nearly forgot the movie had Winona Ryder, Keaneu Reaves, Anthony Hopkins, and Gary Oldman.

Julie Benz was the hottest female vampire on TV in the Buffy series.

When I first saw The Lost Boys in the late 80's my initial thought was, "Jamia Gertz should have been naked at least once."

One of the most bizarre and eerily captivating vampire flicks was The Hunger. In it David Bowie played the lover of fellow vampire Catherine Deneuve. Deneuve plays an ageless and scorching hot vampire who sired Bowie's character centuries earlier. An atmospheric yet tedious and slow movie, The Hunger highlights Deneuve's flawless visage.

Aaliya died in a plain crash shortly after the filming of Queen of the Damned and six months before its release...may she rest in peace.

There's a new series on CBS called Moonlight, wherein Shannyn Sossamon stars as an on again, off again minion of vampiric beauty.

Later y'all.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...I wanna be a supermodel

As a result of a Testicle Tuesday a few weeks back a debate was kindled about who was the first true supermodel. While I detest fashion magazines, most fashion models, eating disorders, sanctimony, and the vapid bitches who immerse themselves in this crap for a living, I will not deny the industry has given us testosterone mobiles spankalicious fodder for our selatious inner male. Here are the priciples in the debate...

Lisa Fonssagrives is considered by many to be the first true supermodel.

Twiggy showed us that bluring the line between the genders can be eerily sexy.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Paulina...what a freakin' hottie. I loved her posing in lurid lesbian pics with Madonna.

Margaux Hemmingway, grandgaughter of the one & only Ernest Hemmingway, died tragically and ironically 24 hours before the 35th anniversary of the suicide death of her iconic grandpa.

Linda Evangelista is probably most famous for her qoute, "We don't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day."

Claudia Schiffer earned $12 million a year at the heighth of her career.

I'll never forget Dennis Leary's infamous C-TV rant when he said MTV should change its moniker because Cindy Crawford was so hot she deserved her own network.

Cheryl Tiegs was one of the first true iconic fashion models and has aged exquisitely well.

Carol Alt is so hot this is her second TT nod in the last month.

Elle MacPherson established her status as a personification of beauty while adorning the pages of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, as well as hundreds of magazine covers worldwide.

Ummmmmmmm, words do not begin to describe the way in which this swimsuit attempts to cover the naughty bits of one Christie Brinkley. God love dental floss!

Friday, March 07, 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...young & hot

As a public service it is my duty to inform you of up & coming hotness, and these ladies are gonna scorch up the screen for decades...Thank God.

Kristen Bell was yummy as the new arch villian on NBC's Heroes.

Sophia Bush was the heroine in the forgettable remake of the 80's classic The Hitcher.