Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...part 2 (continue from last week)

The following is a continuation from last week's TT...

Hope Solo (soccer)

Becky Hammmon (basketball)

Alisa Camplin (skiing)

Niki Gudex (mountain biking)

Lokelani McMichael (triathlon)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...hottest female athletes you've probably never heard of...

As an admitted perv and sports fiend, one of the natural progressions of the beloved TT is to highlight under the radar sporting vixens that are second to none in the asthetics department.

Veronica Kay-surfing

Malia Jones-surfing

Karina Petroni-surfing

Gretchen Blieler-snowboarding

Gina Carano-mixed martial arts

Erica Blasberg-golf

Ana Paula Mancino-volleyball

Ashley Force-drag racing

Next week...part 2

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Testicle Wednesday...historic hotness

As a fan of movies, and ridiculously obsessed denizen of hotness, I find myself constantly perusing the mind's file cabinet in an effort to infuse this blog's weekly ritual with creative flair...and the movies is precisely where we get this week's installment of the beloved Testticle Tuesday in Wednesday's garb. One of my favorrite genres is those historical epics; ala Gladiator, Braveheart, Troy, and Alexander. So I give you histories hotties as seen through hollywood goggles.

Eva Green from Kingdom of Heaven

Connie Nielsen from Gladiator

Saffron Burrowss from Troy

Diane Kruger from Troy

Sophie Marceau from Braveheart

Catherine McCormack from Braveheart

Angelina Jolie from Alexander and Beowulf

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Sorry y'all...

My internet's been down all day thanks to Comcast...freakin morons! I'll post Testicle Tuesday tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...the girls of American Pie

Every once in a while a movie catches you totally off guard. That's what happened when I first saw American Pie. The movie generated a huge buzz in the college town I lived at the time. But since its biggest fans were insipid dumbasses I wasn't expecting much. Boy was I pleasanntly surprised! What unfolded was a raunchy tour de comedy that had me rolling. Another surprise was the hotness quotient of its female cast. In tribute to a comedy classic I bring you the American Pie hotties!

Words do not begin to describe the sexy yet hilarious bedroom scene wherein Shannon Elizabeth made young Jim experience premature *eh hem*...twice.

Tara Reid was chunkier in the original AP than her current slender and ever so sexy physique.

Mena Suvari went on to tempt Kevin Spacy in American Beaauty, causing nearly every male that saw the movie to entertain thoughts of scantily clad high school chicks showering in rose pedals.

Alyson Hannigan really came into her hotness on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and How I Met Your Mom. "Say my name bitch!"

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...gotta love those blood suckers

I'm an unabashed fan of vampire movies and hot women. When you combine the two I get damn near catatonic with glee. Here are the most memorable female vampires in television & cinema history, minus the recently immortalized Selma Hayak (From Dusk Til Dawn) and Kate Beckinsale (Underworld).

Sadie Frost played the juicy red maned vampiric vixen in Bram Stoker's Dracula. So hot was she you nearly forgot the movie had Winona Ryder, Keaneu Reaves, Anthony Hopkins, and Gary Oldman.

Julie Benz was the hottest female vampire on TV in the Buffy series.

When I first saw The Lost Boys in the late 80's my initial thought was, "Jamia Gertz should have been naked at least once."

One of the most bizarre and eerily captivating vampire flicks was The Hunger. In it David Bowie played the lover of fellow vampire Catherine Deneuve. Deneuve plays an ageless and scorching hot vampire who sired Bowie's character centuries earlier. An atmospheric yet tedious and slow movie, The Hunger highlights Deneuve's flawless visage.

Aaliya died in a plain crash shortly after the filming of Queen of the Damned and six months before its release...may she rest in peace.

There's a new series on CBS called Moonlight, wherein Shannyn Sossamon stars as an on again, off again minion of vampiric beauty.

Later y'all.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...I wanna be a supermodel

As a result of a Testicle Tuesday a few weeks back a debate was kindled about who was the first true supermodel. While I detest fashion magazines, most fashion models, eating disorders, sanctimony, and the vapid bitches who immerse themselves in this crap for a living, I will not deny the industry has given us testosterone mobiles spankalicious fodder for our selatious inner male. Here are the priciples in the debate...

Lisa Fonssagrives is considered by many to be the first true supermodel.

Twiggy showed us that bluring the line between the genders can be eerily sexy.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Paulina...what a freakin' hottie. I loved her posing in lurid lesbian pics with Madonna.

Margaux Hemmingway, grandgaughter of the one & only Ernest Hemmingway, died tragically and ironically 24 hours before the 35th anniversary of the suicide death of her iconic grandpa.

Linda Evangelista is probably most famous for her qoute, "We don't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day."

Claudia Schiffer earned $12 million a year at the heighth of her career.

I'll never forget Dennis Leary's infamous C-TV rant when he said MTV should change its moniker because Cindy Crawford was so hot she deserved her own network.

Cheryl Tiegs was one of the first true iconic fashion models and has aged exquisitely well.

Carol Alt is so hot this is her second TT nod in the last month.

Elle MacPherson established her status as a personification of beauty while adorning the pages of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, as well as hundreds of magazine covers worldwide.

Ummmmmmmm, words do not begin to describe the way in which this swimsuit attempts to cover the naughty bits of one Christie Brinkley. God love dental floss!

Friday, March 07, 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...young & hot

As a public service it is my duty to inform you of up & coming hotness, and these ladies are gonna scorch up the screen for decades...Thank God.

Kristen Bell was yummy as the new arch villian on NBC's Heroes.

Sophia Bush was the heroine in the forgettable remake of the 80's classic The Hitcher.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...Celebrity Apprentice

Donald Trump and the producers at NBC are freakin geniuses. They took the solid yet somewwhat tired Apprentice concept and spiced it up with celebrity ego and hotness. Here are the best of Clebrity Apprentice hotties in motion.

A former Playboy Playmate (God love her), Tiffany Fallon had the dubious honor of being the first Trump apprentice to hear "Your Fired". Damn Trump for firing the red hot Fallon and not dumping that vapid screeching harpy bitch Omarosa.

Marilu Henner was smokin in the TAXI years and is still yummy. She got the axe last Thursday.

Thank God Ivanka Trump didn't inherit her fathers fashion sense.

Carol Alt has been called the world's first true super model. Though Cheryl Teegs and Christie Brinkley might debate the point there's no debating Ms Alt is just stunning.

Jennie Finch may be the most beautiful female athlete on earth but was fired a couple weeks ago.

As a public service I refuse to honor Omarosa with a coveted TT endorsement...she's just a scary looking bitch.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

From the wire...

Seems a PETA disciple wants to effect a personal name change. Fish are people too!

Please stay behind the white courtesy line…what, blue?! WTF?!

The city and county of Denver is pledging $5 Million in security for the DNC in August. In a related note the Denver area adult entertainment industry is “pledging” their support for the thousands of Democrats that will flock to Denver for the convention. Said one adult emporium proprietor, “After the convention I’ll be able to retire a wealthy man.”

Under the heading of “You can put a dress on a pig…”

The two largest breweries in America are subject to various state AG probes into their marketing of alcohol spiked with caffeine. How can this be wrong? My high school and college careers would have been far more distinguished had there been stimulants in all those ingested intoxicants.

No, no, no, no…Sharper Image is in danger of folding!

Now the state wants to take milk away from children…bastards!

Damned if you do…what’s a cunning linguist to do?

Compelled volunteerism…sounds oxymoronic

I give the over-under on this at July 30th PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Testicle Tuesday...hot female music stars

Boy do I love music. Boy do I love sexy women. Combine the two and you have a nearly perfect confluence of yummy goodness. In order, the hottest of the musical set are*...

1. Gwen Stefani

2. Shakira

3. Rihanna

4. Fergie

5. Amy Lee

*In no way does this list constitute an endorsement of the music of these ladies. In fact, all but Amy Lee and her group Evanescence put out shitty music.