Rest in Pieces

Betty Friedan’s obituary…She was hatched in a sterile, hermetically sealed environment on February 4, 1921. That day the moon turned black as sack cloth and the rivers ran red with blood. She started squawking at the age of 27 minutes. Her first words were, “Susan B. Anthony is my idol”. Graduated suma kum who cares from the infamous Smith College. Married Carl Friedan in ’47 and popped out three demon spawn before, shocker, divorcing her hubby in 69. In 1963, her book, The Satanic Verses, also known as The Feminine Mystique, was published. Her other works include How to Marry Despite Being Frightfully Ugly, Your Vagina & You: An Easy Maintenance Guide to Reproduction, and Men Suck. Co-founded the Church of Satan, also known as NOW, in 66, and helped found the Fetal Dismemberment Society, a.k.a. NARAL. She recently passed away in her crypt on February 4, 2006. Rumors about a wooden stake found plunged in her heart are as yet unsubstantiated. Friedan is survived by three hatchlings.