Monday, November 08, 2004

New Amendments

Here are some amendments I would propose for the U.S. Constitution.

Amendment XXVIII-No longer will athletes, politicians, entertainers, or other public figures be allowed to refer to themselves in the third person. Violations will be punishable by eight years of house arrest wherein the confined must watch Sponge Bob Square Pants twenty four hours a day.

Amendment XXIX-The American beautification shall be accomplished by prohibiting ugly girls from driving with convertible tops down. In addition, no American who has more than seventeen percent body fat will be permitted to wear spandex, crop top shirts, or revealing clothing of any kind.

Amendment XXX-Lip syncing will be strictly prohibited in all live concerts or television appearances.

Amendment XXXI-Jennifer Garner must dump Ben Affleck and marry me immediately.

Amendment XXXII-Anyone that says “nu-cu-lar” instead of “nu-cle-ar” shall be stripped naked and publicly horse whipped followed by a comprehensive lesson in Hooked on Phonics.

Amendment XXXIII-Fast food restaurants shall no longer be permitted to serve salads.

Amendment XXXIV-The states of Kansas, Nebraska, Nevada, Oklahoma, and Western Texas must immediately plant trees or vegetation of some kind.

XXXV-In order to obtain a driver’s license an individual must be able to see over the dashboard and steering wheel. Therefore, anyone who is not at least five feet or sixty inches in height will be prohibited from operating a motor vehicle.