Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Laughed my ass off

Here are some actual warnings posted on various products. Disclaimer: I did not fabricate any of the listed warnings, I’m not that clever.

Some Swedish chainsaw manufacturer-“Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.”

Komatsu Floodlight-“Capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark.”

Fire extinguisher-“Caution: Non-flammable”

Energizer AAA battery 4-pack-“If swallowed, promptly see doctor.”

Auto Shade windshield visor-“Caution: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.”

Claymore Anti-Personal Mine-“Do not eat!”

Ansell Condoms-“Do not return used condoms to the manufacturer through the mail.”

Unknown air conditioner-“Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.”

Rowenta iron-“Warning: Never iron clothes while on body.”

Unknown vacuum cleaner-“Do not use to pick up gasoline or other flammable liquids…Do not use to pick up anything that is burning.”

Five gallon bucket of pickles where I worked at in high school-“Warning: Children can drown in bucket, do not place children in juice.”

Listerine mouthwash-“Do not swallow. In case of ingestion call poison control or hospital.”

Wal-Mart fish tank-“Other suggested purchases: rocks, aquatic plant life, fish.”

Toilet plunger-“Caution: Do not use near power lines.”

Nytol Sleep Aid-“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”

500 piece jigsaw puzzle-“Some assembly required.”