Musings on a Monday morning

Is it just me or does Michael Jackson look like he should be in the "Thriller" video, and not dancing in front?

I'm becoming increasingly more convinced that Taco Bell food contains an addictive chemical. Why else would such crap food taste so good?

Krispy Kreme doughnuts are like crack for fat people.

You know how they draw a chalk line around a murder victim's body...if a person in a wheel chair is murdered do the cops just slap down a handicap parking symbol? (I'm in a wheel chair so I can make those jokes)

John Kerry looks like Lurch on the Adams Family.

The thought of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown raising a child is frightening.

Jennifer Garner is the hottest woman in Hollywood...outside Halley Barry of course.

By the end of the year there will be a Starbucks franchise on every block in America...oops, already happened. Sorry.

Andy Rooney should really trim his eyebrows.

President Bush needs to get Hooked on Phonics or write a book..."The Presidency for Dummies"...it will be written in crayon.

Does Monica Lewinski really want the blue dress back? Ewww!

I want a Viking funeral. Build a Viking ship, put my dead fat butt on the deck, light it on fire, and push it down a river. But I'm broke so I guess I'll have to settle for being face down in a canoe with a candle in my ass.

You know how when you go skiing and there are those signs that say "Don't jump off the ski lift"? Is this really a problem?

Why is there a speed limit in Kansas?

Anyone who belongs to a NASCAR fantasy league should seek immediate counseling.