Tuesday, October 05, 2004

The solution to your prayers

I have an idea for an invention that will make BILLIONS. How many times has the average person been on their respective cell phones and for no apparent reason service is interrupted and conversations, some benign and some important, are terminated prematurely. We’ve all experienced the mind numbing frustration at losing reception IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN CITY! Something like 75-80% of all Americans own cell phones and EVERY single one of them has had to stifle the primal urge to hurl these sinister little bits of technology at the nearest wall or out the car window. The stress created by having to control one’s self in light of such infuriating circumstances has caused countless ulcers, myocardial infarctions, and the screaming of profanity laced tirades the world over. DAMN CELL PHONES!

So my solution is…

Cellular phones made out of Nerf. Think about it. Imagine getting dropped or interrupted by crap reception and service. Also picture how cathartic it could be to send these devices at Mach I at the nearest brick wall only to find that it still works. Eureka! I do realize that watching the obstinate cell phone explode in a spray of electronic entrails and debris can be very soothing. But, no longer will Americans be forced to fork out a hundred bucks to replace a shattered cell phone. No longer will us millions who rely on these cellular POS’s have to suppress the impulse to launch our phones into oblivion. No longer will we be held hostage by a bleating piece of silicon & plastic. No longer will we have to return sheepishly to our respective cellular providers with the demolished remnants of communications technology and explain why a once functioning phone now looks like plastic confetti.

People of America unite! I bring you the answer to countless prayers and profane rants and outbursts. I bring you your savior…the Nerf cell phone.